A Christmas Story
by Bullwinkle's Lady
Summary: Christmas vacation consists of chastity vows, strip poker, shady gifts, and disturbing revelations. NaruIno, SasuHina, NejiTenten, GaaraSaku, ShikaTema. High school. Crack.


**Summary:** Christmas vacation consists of chastity vows, strip poker, shady donations, and disturbing revelations. SasuHina, NaruIno, NejiTenten, GaaraSaku, ShikaTema.

**Warning:** I wrote this when I was like omigawd fourteen (at best). Also, it used to be part of a Yu Yu Hakusho story.

**A Christmas Story**

by Bullwinkle's Lady

**Part 1**

"The cabin will be packed with food. It should last you two weeks," muttered Hiashi.

Neji stared blankly at the man as the car finally came to a stop. Hinata sat beside him, peering eagerly through her window in search of Naruto's orange truck.

Hiashi ignored her and continued, glaring pointedly at Neji. "There will be no-"

"Porn," muttered his nephew in annoyance.

"Or-" said Hiashi.

"Drugs," said Neji. "No sex, no alcohol. What kind of person do you take me for?"

Hiashi ignored him. "I'll see you in two weeks. Now get the hell out of my car."

**...Day 1...**

Neji and Hinata walked inside and looked around. The living room had a leather couch, an emergency telephone (...which only received calls), and a large television (...no cable though). There were three bedrooms, each with three twin beds. The kitchen was an old-fashioned one, _old-fashioned, _as in, lacking a microwave, the typical teen necessity.

One by one the others arrived, none who carried sleeping bags. There were ten of them, but only nine beds. Through a trying game of paper-rock-scissors, it was determined that Naruto would have couch.

Everyone else approached the rooms. "Er..." said Sakura. "Being that there are three beds in each room, we're going to have to mix genders..." the prospect made her uncomfortable.

"This could work out," Ino insisted. "Granted no couple ends up in the same room. So...why don't we have Sasuke, Gaara, and Tenten in the first room, Shikamaru, Hinata, and Sakura in the second, and Temari, Neji, and myself in the third."

Though Tenten looked scandalized, everyone nodded in agreement.

Heading to the kitchen with Neji, Tenten plopped down onto a chair as Neji rattled the coffee maker in an effort to make it work. "This is going to be hell," he growled.

"Whose idea was it again?"

That's when Ino entered the room. "I hope I'm not interrupting-"

"What's that supposed to mean?" Tenten said defensively.

"Well, I'm hungry and-"

"Just because we're alone together, and happen to be dating, doesn't mean we're making out," Tenten mentioned.

_We're not? _Neji thought in confusion.

Ino eyed them in annoyance. "You're _always _making out. You two have no personalities. What else would you be doing?"

Tenten stared at Ino in shock.

"You couldn't last ten minutes," Ino continued, looking victorious. "In fact, _no one here _could."

"Is that a challenge?" muttered Gaara, entering the room. He approached Neji and viciously shoved him away from the coffee maker. The Hyuuga collided with a wall and collapsed to the ground as Gaara brewed himself a cup of coffee.

"Well – _no-" _started Ino.

"Of course it is!" growled Temari. Where the hell had she come from?

"So here is where everyone went," said Naruto, walking inside followed by Sasuke, Hinata, and Shikamaru. "Did I hear something about a challenge?"

"Ino suggests none of us can last ten minutes without some amount of intimacy..." Neji muttered, attempting to look dignified while peeling his face off the marble.

Ino grabbed an apple, taking a large bite. "Exactly," she grinned.

"Yes we can!" declared the other girls in unison.

"And we'll prove it," said Tenten. "Starting now. Neji and I will go the entire vacation without hugging, kissing, or sexing."

Neji jaw dropped. What had just happened?

The Nara snickered.

"Me too," said Temari. That shut him up.

"Us too," said Hinata and Sakura in unison.

Everyone grew nervous. Gaara looked ANGRY.

Ino smirked. This should be fun. "Shall we make a contest out of this?" she asked.

Naruto also smirked.

"Me and the dobe, as neutral parties, will be the judges," Ino continued. "Whoever breaks, as in: cuddles, kisses, snuggles, nibbles, or sexes on his or her fuck-buddy first will have to sleep on the floor for the rest of vacation. Their roommates, mainly Naruto or I, will take their bed, add it to ours, and make the twin size Queen sized. The pair that lasts the longest will get all the beds in their room combined into the ultimate-! Bed," she finished lamely.

Everyone nodded in agreement. That seemed fair.

"Starting now," said Ino.

There was a moment of silence in which the boys thought everything over. Suddenly, they all smirked in unison, turning to the already pissed Gaara. Typically, he would be the first to break. He had very little self-control when it came to his girlfriends' soft pink...hair.

"Now onto other matters," Sakura piped in. "I think we should all take turns cooking."

Everyone blinked, looking suddenly frightened.

"What if you can't cook?" Sasuke retorted, looking enraged.

"THEN YOU WILL TRY!" said Sakura.

Sasuke shuddered.

"Will someone volunteer to go first?" she asked sweetly.

"I will," said Hinata. She unearthed an apron from thin air and walked into the kitchen.

Sasuke stared after her, not noticing that his lips were parted. He liked girls in aprons. _A lot._ And Hinata looked really fucking hot in hers. He ignored the chuckles that followed him as he continued to stare. His left eye twitched. This was going to be a rough couple of weeks.

An hour later, everyone took seats around the dining room table, patiently waiting for the food.

After a few more minutes, Hinata entered wearing oversized mittens, and carrying a large platter. She rested it onto the table and uncovered it. A baked chicken, riceballs, and an assortment of cooked vegetables. Hinata served, and everyone dug in. How come no one had mentioned what a great cook Hinata was? Was this how Sasuke ate all the time? Like a **King**? Every glared jealously at the Uchiha, who in turn gave them each the finger. Hinata looked on in confusion.

Less than a day into the challenge, and everyone was already beginning to get a little edgy. This couldn't be a good sign.

"Itadakimasu," said Hinata, smiling.

**...Day 2...**

Hinata was a bit uneasy. That morning everyone seemed to be staring at her...dare she say...lustfully?

"Good morning Hinata," Neji muttered, exiting his bedroom in his favorite bunny pajamas.

"Good m-morning," Hinata replied meekly. _Wait a second. Did he just wink at me?_

Everyone once again gathered in the kitchen.

"So far so good," said Ino, turning to Naruto.

He nodded. "I saw no one giving out good-night kisses," he declared authoritatively.

"Thirteen more days to go," smirked Ino. Everyone's faces fell. They hadn't realized how long it would be. "So who's cooking breakfast?"

The room became dead silent, until finally, Tenten sighed. "I will."

Her cooking was reasonably good. She served them eggs, bacon, and toast.

"This is edible," Neji praised, giving her a curt nod. She didn't notice the smirks he exchanged with the others' glares, but then he paused upon realizing Tenten had never once cooked for him. Veins rose on Neji's temple.

Following breakfast, everyone washed up, and the boys began to unpack.

Upon finding his candy, Nauto happily took a handful and swallowed it, wrappers and all. Neji, Shikarmaru, and Sasuke joined in, licking candy wrappers, snorting pixie sticks, and...making little drawings on their faces with chocolate bars...

"Have some Gaara," offered Naruto.

Gaara eyed at them in disgust. "I don't eat candy."

Naruto, Sasuke, Neji, and Shikamaru dropped everything they were holding in shock. A few mutilated chocolate turtles crawled out of Sasuke's hanging mouth.

Gaara glared and sauntered off.

That afternoon it had begun to snow over the ten inches that was already on the ground.

"I don't see why we're out here," Gaara growled. Oh how he despised snow. He would have much preferred to roll around on the beach in the nude, like some sort of crack-headed asshat.

He glanced across from him at the grinning Sakura. Oh how he missed her soft pink... Hair.

Upon noticing Gaara and Sakura's horny stares, Sasuke shuffled inconspicuously behind him, and gave the red-head a nice hard _shove _in his girlfriend's direction. They crashed messily into each other, falling into the snow on top of each other, their noses inches apart.

_Sex, _was all Gaara could think.

"S-Sex?" Sakura vocalized.

They stared, hypnotized by the horny.

"H-how are you," Sakura suddenly said, offering a frozen hand.

His eyes shifting to her gloved hand, Gaara slowly took it. Sakura robotically shook it.

Everyone else stared, twitching. How the couple had resisted such a visible temptation to kiss was beyond them.


End file.
